I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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