ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
