I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
