You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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