Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
