so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
