DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
This is my life. Enjoy the view
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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