The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
