Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize