I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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