i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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