wrigley field is MILF paradise
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
