i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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