My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
