She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
