wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
