Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
