I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
