the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
