when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize