Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
