A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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