1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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