Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
