i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
