yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize