oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
