do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
