I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just made my gag reflex go away.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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