ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
