Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Randomize
