The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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