I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
