We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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