After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
