can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
