This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
