youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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