half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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