No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
