Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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