he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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