woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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