i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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