You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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