I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
