Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
