Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
