last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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