Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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