I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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