So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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