im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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