His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
