So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
