i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
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