the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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