no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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