She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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