I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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