im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
