So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize