Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
