I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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