Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
