I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
