She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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