Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
