if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
