is your mom at the bar?
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
