Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My liver just had a heart attack.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
