dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
