he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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