this just has baby written all over it
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
