There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
