Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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