Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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