I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize