I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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